I knew a man once who was a great mentor to me. He taught me everything he knew, he was patient with me, believed in me and never made me suffer my mistakes but simply helped me clean them up. When he died I learned that he had some very serious problems. Things he was involved in had very likely hurt people in a deep and lasting way. I could not reconcile what I knew of him with what I learned about him. I wanted to reject him outright and find fault in all that he had ever said or done. As much as I wanted to I could not. Instead, I had to accept that a person is made up of multiple facets, some that shine with the brightest spark and others that cast doom on all the world. I had to accept that there were parts of him for which I had no respect and parts to which I owed a lifetime debt of gratitude. And even all parts considered, I realized I still loved him and always would.
Learning that I could do that for him brought me closer to believing that, just maybe, I can do it for myself.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Finding out the bad things a person does in their lives, especially the more tragic, is always hard when you have seen the good side of them as well. I had a similar experience when I was younger of a positive female role model that I respected deeply because of the positive influence they had on me. Until the one day that I discovered a different side of them. For many years (and still do to some extent) I had a very black and white view of people - good or evil - and I think that was primarily of my baptist upbringing - god vs. satan. So for a "good" person to have any type of evilness (however you define that) was earth shattering. Some of the things I have dealt with I wonder if some of you (the sibs) have dealt with as well because of the upbringing - even though mine was drastically different, but still with the same people. It's interesting to hear that you had an experience similar to mine. Thank you for sharing - I learn so much from you. Love you!
great post, mat. i don't need to add my two cents. just a great post. i miss you mr.man!
Beautiful, Mat. Could it be that dichotomous thinking serves as a defense mechanism? I believe it takes considerable ego strength to consider the gray or perhaps, the psychedelic areas. If we can label those who have injured us or others as bad, we needn’t work toward forgiveness. We can continue to imagine ourselves as different (better?) from the injurer, because we are good and they are bad. In reality, and by virtue of our humanness, we all have strengths and weaknesses. How much more abundant might life be, if we were each able to celebrate the strengths of the other, while letting the weaknesses sift through our fingers?
Post a Comment