Hope Springs Eternal

My mom was a stay at home mom through most of my childhood, as were most women who became parents in the early 60s.  When she and my father divorced in the early 80’s she knew that she would need to get some training in order to get a job that would provide hope for a better life.  With three children living at home and a fourth barely out of the nest, my mom needed help in order to be able to make it through school and make ends meet at the same time.  She was a resourceful woman and never too proud to put family need over her own comfort. As such, at 32 years old, she swallowed hard and moved back home with her mother,  my Granny.  This alleviated the pressures of monthly rent but did little to provide for the other needs as Granny was retired and on a fixed income which was enough to pay her own expenses but certainly not enough to cover ours as well.  My mom qualified for financial aid which covered her schooling costs but the aid she received was not enough to pay for food, clothes and the costs associated with having school aged children.  In order to cover these costs, she turned to government aid in the form of food stamps and a financial stipend through, what was then termed, Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC).

This aid provided roughly $200 a month in food stamps and $500 a month in cash aid.  Things were tight, but with this money and Granny’s help, we were able to get by while mom returned to school.  In a three year period of time she was able to earn associate’s degrees in General ED and Criminal Justice along with three other degrees that, together, resulted in her ability to get a job in County Corrections that paid a very good salary and had great benefits.

Life was not easy during those years that our family required assistance.  As a teenager, it was embarrassing to go to the store when Mom would be buying groceries with food stamps.  Being in that very self centered time of life, I used to bail on my mom when she would get to the check stand.  I made no effort to conceal my embarrassment from her.  She never made me feel bad for taking off to wait in the car while she braved the looks of judgment and pity that so often greeted her as she checked out.  She had to rest in the knowledge that she was doing her best for her children and not allow herself to worry if anyone else understood.  You can’t explain to every person who hasn’t walked in your shoes, the things that led you to where you are on any given day.

While my close friends understood our family situation, I tried desperately to keep it a secret from the other kids at school.  There was a lot of stigma that went with being on “Welfare,” and I was the first to internalize it and give power to the deep lack of understanding many have regarding whom it is that receives “Welfare” and how such assistance ultimately benefits society.   Most people don’t understand that “Welfare” is for children, it is not for parents.  It simply has to come through the parents because they are the ones charged with taking care of the kids.  The truth is I had no understanding of it at the time myself.  I just knew that it was really embarrassing but, it kept me from being hungry. 

Looking back I regret my response and realize that, rather than feeling embarrassed, I should have felt great pride and gratitude in and for my mom as well as my fellow countrymen and women. My mom because she understood that in order to become independent, she had to allow herself to be dependent for a while and was brave enough to do so.  And my fellow countrymen and women who believed that, as a child, I was valuable enough to invest in and that by so doing, allowed me to progress in such a manner as to have the strength and ability to one day make something of myself. 

As a result of that aid as well as the financial aid I received in College, I was able to follow my mother’s excellent example and go on to college to earn my bachelor’s degree, as well as my master’s degree in, you guessed it, Social Welfare.  Now, I am able to do my part to help families who are in need as mine once was.  I have worked with and been mostly helpful to hundreds of children and families during my career.  Many of those children will now have a better chance of successfully meeting the challenges that life puts in front of them in order to become happy and productive citizens themselves.  It is amazing what $200 in food vouchers and $500 in monetary support can pay for over time.  It’s exponential I would say.   

What if we didn’t wait for things to trickle down?  What if we also allowed them to spring from below to provide hope, refreshment and renewal in this ever struggling world?